073. box of chocolates.

life is like a box of chocolates.



you never know what you're gonna get.




really.

072. midnight mass.

i like the smell of the incense they use in church on special occasions, like christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

071. 香港//hong kong;

香港, 我想念你.
[hong kong, i miss you.]

070. "i always knew" - tilly and the wall.

i've lived my life inside daydream lies,
imaginary friends that always knew one day i'd leave for good.
i'll give away this girl who tried to make you fall in love,
i'll give her to you so keep her close to you.
so you won't forget about how she loved you so long ago once upon a time.
now she has grown up, and you can't take it back.

a lullaby won't change my mind, and i won't ever go back to that.
i will stay true to this belief that we've changed for the best through this.

separate the ones who know you from the ones who couldn't bother to see you for all that you are.
and deep down i always knew all the times i thought that i loved you,
it was just an easy answer, it was make believe,
but i still believe that this heart will learn to love.

069. future.

sometimes do you wonder whether the choices you make to do or not do certain things will truly benefit your future?

068. quick recap.

wow, i most certainly have not posted on my blog in a while.
so here's a quick recap of what's been going on:

+ A- and a B in my summer school classes. :)
+ paul has moved into the apartment; it's fun living with 2 of my closest friends (genevieve and paul), both of whom i know i can rely on in times of need. :)
+ we still haven't fully organized our stuff - kitchen & living room. ahhhh. but, wow, we have 3 couches and there's still tons of space! hahahaha.
+ my classes seem pretty fun/doable; it's just gonna be a lot of work. busy busy busy. must not stray this semester. must stay on task.
+ my cousin, ryan, came on thursday and he, genevieve, and i watched mae w/ as tall as lions and dear and the headlights at bottom of the hill in san francisco. fun fun.
+ i think ryan's coming back next thursday.
+ I AM OBSESSED WITH UGLY BETTY and have been lacking sleep due to watching paul's dvds of the first season and i watched the last 3 episodes yesterday and I WANT THE NEW SEASON TO START ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and last, but DEFINITELY NOT LEAST,
I AM IN SOCAL THIS WEEKEND! :) but it's going to mostly be parent-filled since i am immobile (can't drive cuz i'm not on the insurance right now -- it gets turned on during my long vacations so i can drive) and i'd like to spend more time with them :) oh, PLUS, it'll also be HOMEWORK filled seeing as tuesday and wednesday i have 36985623865 things due for all my classes.
quick cups of coffee and chat may be possible, however. :]

067. on loneliness.

academic and material satisfaction can only cover up loneliness but so much.

for the past few months, i've been reveling in my studiousness during summer school, which was an excellent distraction from the hurt and disappointment that i truly felt inside. of course, the first month of summer, which i spent at home, was naively filled with mistaken thoughts of hopefulness about apparently "false affections" that honestly seemed otherwise. and that pretty much sums up my summer of 2007.

for the past week, i've been basking in my solitude in the new apartment, seeing as paul is still in europe and genevieve is constantly gone, studying for the evil that is bio 1A. that pretty much leaves me with an empty apartment and excellent alone time. i've actually enjoyed this solitude; it's something i haven't had in a while. i didn't feel lonely or bored at all. it was rather refreshing.

tonight, however, is another story. the sense of lonesomeness that i feel is at its peak. don't get me wrong; i am not lonely for company. no, it is not that kind of loneliness, as i am still quite enjoying my solitude, but rather loneliness of the heart. perhaps it has to do with the fact that i chose to watch a movie, which was rather sappy yet had a rather sad/unsatisfying ending, alone tonight. yes, i'd say that triggered these emotions. and to be honest, as i reflected on my way home as i strolled down shattuck [street], i think i had to actually compose myself to stop tears from streaming down my face.

what does it matter that there always seems to be boys that have interest in me? that is probably the reputation i seem to have among some people, and i'll admit that to some extent that is right (although i'm not quite sure why). but honestly, what good is it when of those boys, the ones i actually fall for all abandon me once they've accomplished gaining my full and unconditional affection? it is not enough to constantly have attention; when such incidents as the aforementioned constantly happen, it only leaves the heart even emptier than ever, wondering, "why, why, why?"

i don't care. i just want to find one person with whom i have a mutual attraction to. one person to whom to give my heart and for that one person to give his heart to me. forgive me for being a hopeless romantic, but honestly, flings do no good. they do nothing. they are nothing but "ephemeral delights," as i like to say. sure, you enjoy the attention and the "affection," but it always leaves one wanting more; and unfortunately, you can't get more because once you desire to, that attention and "affection" is gone. it decides to leave. it did not want to be more than ephemeral, short-lived, brief. forget the future, it's always about the present. and themselves. who cares if you find yourself falling head over heels for him more and more so each day? it only drives them farther. it's like a balance scale: one begins at its peak and one begins at the bottom; however, once the one that began at the bottom begins to rise higher, the other begins to sink lower. once that bottom reaches its peak, it's too late - the other has reached its decline.

i'm probably going to regret writing all this mindless jargon after i post it. then i'll read it over and realize how utterly and completely idiotic and pathetic i sound ranting about said things, but whatever.

i suppose it is time to continue my math homework. on a saturday night. due monday. goodnight.

066. sinking.

and still, sometimes, when i think about it and reminisce,
it makes me sad.



it makes me really sad.






the words that try to justify do far more wrong than anything you do.



suddenly between sheets and eyelids,
i am reminded why i don't do this.
i fall in love far too quickly,
i never want her him to forget me.
when you're gone,
will you call?
will you write?




i tried it once it never caught on,
i was the only one who got burned.
i was the only one who got burned.
i was the only one who got burned.
i was the only one who got burned.

065. the format, et al.

the format show @ GAMH in san francisco on friday (aug 3) was AWESOME.

and now i can't stop listening to them.
seeing them live srsly makes me like them even more. my gosh. the energy.


and i love our new apt. and how big it is. mmm mmm good.

064. new apt.

new apartment =
[x] awesome time with cousins (and uncle!) helping move in
[x] bigger living room
[x] my own bedroom!
[x] big couch; multiple couches
[x] big tv
[x] fenton's creamery after hard day of moving (saturday)!
[x] cable tv
[x] cable internet (yes! download progs. are no longer blocked! -- HELLO SOULSEEK & TORRENT! WOO.)

how exciting!

063. movies.

so i didn't lie when i said i was going movie crazy before.

movies seen within the past two or so weeks in the order they were viewed:

01. harry potter & the order of the phoenix
02. ratatouille
03. hairspray
04. nana 2 [japanese; live-action movie, not the anime]
05. the simpsons
06. waitress
07. till i met you [filipino]
08. no reservations
09. you got me! [filipino]
10. manay po [filipino]
_{07-09 all seen back to back on monday (the filipino movies, i watched online; no reservations @ the theater. hahaha.}

and in between the above list, i have probably watched a couple of my own dvds, including what a girl wants, 10 things i hate about you, etc.

oh! and i got a netflix queue just recently (first dvd that came in - manay po. so let me know any movie suggestions you may have. :) the first 6 of my upcoming movies are filipino. hahah.



and now, i must return to studying for my math (linear algebra) midterm, which is at 2:00pm today [wednesday]. wish me luck!

062. psalms&lyrics.

give up your anger, abandon your wrath; do not be provoked; it brings only harm. (psalms 37:8)



faithfulness, faithfulness is what i long for.
faithfulness is what i need.

_{(note: i am not quoting these for the religious meanings they hold; i am quoting them to refer to people and the interactions i have with them)}

061. everything is a-ok.

i'm fine, i'm fine, these words are all i have to hide behind
lonely is as lonely does.

but good friends + white-themed picnic party in a pretty park on north side + girls night out: dinner, dessert, movie = a sane and relatively happily content denise.
so that is good.

060. will calls grace.

i just got off the phone with paul, who is still in england!
awwwwwww. that was delightful. i feel like i have so much to talk about with him, srsly.
that was great. i've missed talking to paul. :(

059. honesty.

honesty is the best policy.

058. hairspray, et al.

i watched hairspray @ long beach town center yesterday with my cousin, josephine. it was excellent! we loved the movie, the music, the acting, everything! :D *swoon* zac efron. and amanda bynes is always entertaining. after that, we had dinner with my parents at a new japanese buffet restaurant near my house. it was deliciousss! we were so stuffed. following dinner, we dropped josephine back off at UCI, then i got dropped off back at long beach town center (haha) to meet up with jason. aww, i hadn't hung out with him since senior year of high school! it was definitely nice seeing him. we walked over to chick-fil-a to say hi to dorothy and her friends, who were there for the harry potter book release. haha. after that, we had the random idea of going to UCI to visit josephine, so we did! denise's total trips to UCI on friday: 3 (picked her up, took her back, then went back with jason later). denise's total trips to LBTC on friday: 2 (for hairspray, then jason). anywayyy. i ended up talking to her neighbor again, and that was odd. i think he was drunk. he came up to her window and said to me, "hey! remember me? i serenaded you on the guitar that one day." HAHAHA. then i told him how i had learned to play "wonderwall" on the guitar too. and then he invited us over to play some guitar, but uhhh. no thanks. i wanted ice cream badly, so jason, josephine, and i went to albertson's and bought delicious ben & jerry's! on our way out of her apartment, though, funny neighbor guitar guy was alerted of our presence by his friends, and he came out in his chonies (underwear) and started doing some thrust-dancing. o_O errrr... that was... interesting. anyway, we ate our ice cream and then i had to go cuz it was already 1 in the morning, so jason dropped me off at home. :)

it was a delightful day.

today i studied for my midterm (monday), did some hw for that class, went to my grandma's house with my mom, and... yes... here i am.

back to berkeley w/ aimmee tomorrow. hm.

057. broken english.

i watched broken english tonight w/ gen and aimmee:

it was quite excellent. i've been wanting to watch it for the longest time, and it was definitely worth it. i enjoyed it a lot, in addition to the awesome company of gen and aimmee. :)

we really needed this movie. read the synopsis. heh.



p.s. i miss my indie movie buddy/other half, paul. :( wahhh. come back from england already.

056. late-night adventures.

i just got back 20 min. or so ago. jared drove genevieve and me around. it was sweet.

[x] drove up the berkeley hills in the dense fog -- that was scary
[x] stopped at lawrence berkeley lab and played on the big whale statue thing.
[x] drove down the hill in the dense fog -- scary part 2
[x] went to north side and walked around the berkeley rose garden -- dark and creepy -- and sat around there for a bit.

it was nice; a nice break from the apartment and immediate berkeley and studying and... thoughts.

good friends keep me sane.

055. combust.

it just blows your mind, doesn't it?

054. can you say...

ouch.